The Bachelor alum Rachael Kirkconnell revealed the difficult details of her first breakup from Matt James in 2021, which came after racially insensitive photos of her resurfaced online.
Rachael Kirkconnell is remembering the red flags during her relationship with Matt James.
Nearly two weeks after the couple—who found love on season 25 of The Bachelor in 2021—called it quits after four years together, the 28-year-old reflected on some difficult moments in their relationship.
The two went through their first breakup in March 2021 after racially insensitive photos of Rachael garnered criticism on social media. And though they got back together soon after, she recently reflected on the dishonestly she said she faced during the separation—especially when it came to whether the 33-year-old was seeing other people.
“We never discussed that,” Rachael told Alex Cooper on a Jan. 28 episode of Call Her Daddy, “I was barely getting out of bed, let alone dating other people. I was just so not okay, and I just wanted to be with him to where dating—that was just so out of the question for me.”
And while the graphic designer expressed that putting herself out there, “wasn’t even a thought I had in the back of my mind,” she couldn’t say the same for her ex.
“I felt like things that he said and us talking every day,” Rachael explained, “it seemed like he wasn’t either. But that’s not the case, he definitely was.”
“That’s okay because we were broken up,” she added, “I just wish I knew.”
It turns out, Rachael found out that Matt was casually seeing another girl through Bachelor blogger Reality Steve, who contacted her brother’s girlfriend at the time. To make things worse, she was with Matt when she found out.
“I was really, really upset just because I felt like it was definitely kept a secret from me,” she shared. “He technically didn’t lie because I never asked but at the same time I never would’ve—well, maybe he did lie a little bit. Now I’m trying to think about it. Maybe there were some lies in there because I was very, very, very upset when I found everything out and I just remember telling him that he lied to me.”
“I just remember storming out of his place and I was like ‘Don’t ever talk to me again, we’re done,’” she continued, “because I just found out a lot of stuff all at once.”
Though the news left her feeling “a little bamboozled,” Rachael and Matt reconciled during a six-hour conversation in an Atlanta parking garage around a week later.
“It was just one of those things where he was like, ‘Just give me a chance,’” she recalled, “’I’m sorry and I do love you and I do want to be with you and I’m done playing these games. Let’s give this a real shot, let’s get back together.’”
“I gave him a chance,” she added, “because I love him.”
Now, nearly four years later, the two have once again gone their separate ways. And this time, Rachael does not foresee ever getting back together.
As for what led to their recent breakup? Rachael revealed that Matt broke up with her during a trip to Tokyo.
“He said that at the end of the day, there were just qualities about me that he worries about having in a wife,” she told the podcast host. “At the end of the day, [he said] there are things that we aren’t compatible with.”
Keep reading for more of the biggest bombshells from Rachael’s interview…
Rachael Kirkconnell Says She and Matt James Discussed Engagement Before Split
Before they abruptly broke up after four years of dating, Rachael Kirkconnell says she and her now-ex Matt James discussed getting engaged, as well as plans to start a family in the future, during her Jan. 28 interview on Call Her Daddy.
“We talked about rings,” she said. “He told me a few months ago to start, you know, saving some things, picking things out or that we should go look at some—and that was a big deal, I would say, for him to say. That’s when I was like, ‘Wow, okay. He really is on board with this.’ That was such a green flag to me and I felt like the longer we were together, the more he was able to talk about it and I think at first, I could tell it was something that did scare him a lot or it was like a really hard thing for him to talk about and it just seemed easier and easier as our relationship went on, so I felt like that was a good sign.”
Rachael Kirkconnell Details Tense Moments That Led to Breakup
During their trip to Tokyo, as Rachael explained, the couple got into small arguments stemming from Rachael feeling “overwhelmed” over choosing places for them to eat and for Matt to film his content. Those disagreements then snowballed into the bigger issues that were between them.
“We had gotten into an argument right then and there, like walking in the street, we skipped lunch, we went back to the hotel and just ended up having a bigger conversation,” the 28-year-old explained. “We were just a little irritated with one another. But then it was like, okay, now that we’re back here again where you’re annoyed with me, I’m annoyed with you. I feel like you’re in the wrong. You feel like I’m in the wrong. He really just kind of let out everything that I guess he had been feeling for a while. I don’t know.”
Rachael Kirkconnell Reveals Real Reason Matt James Broke Up With Her
According to Rachael, Matt said that “at the end of the day there were just qualities about me that he worries about having in a wife.”
“Like at the end of the day, there are things that we aren’t compatible with,” she recalled. “It was just one of those things where he I think just had this realization that I should want to propose to you by this time. Like at this point in our relationship, ‘I should be wanting those things and I should be ready for that. But I’m not still, I still don’t feel like we’re ready or I don’t feel like I’m ready. I don’t know if I ever see myself proposing to you. I can’t actually see myself married to you.’”
“He said that, you know, ‘Maybe one day he would get there, but he doesn’t feel ready now.’ And I told him, I said, ‘Well, I feel like after four years you should know or you should feel ready. And if you don’t then that’s not a good thing. We probably shouldn’t be together if you don’t feel like that after four years because you know me better than anyone.’”
Rachael Kirkconnell Details Learning About Matt James’ Breakup Post on Airplane
As the Bachelor Nation star explained, as she boarded a plane to jet out of Tokyo, that’s when she was alerted that their split had now become public, thanks to Matt’s Instagram post announcing their split—and that she was then unable to access Wi-Fi for another 12 hours.
“We’re literally getting ready to take off and my phone blows up,” she noted. “It’s one of my best friends and it says, ‘Rach,’ with a bunch of question marks, and as soon as I saw that, I’m like, ‘Oh my gosh, how does she know,’ and then she texts me again and said, ‘I saw Matt’s post. Is this real life?’ And that’s how I found out that he posted. So then, literally the plane is taking off and I see his post, and that’s it. I don’t have any service or anything for the next twelve hours.”
“So, I’m freaking out because, you know, just got broken up with and now, a few hours later, it’s for the whole world to see and I’m still trying to process it,” she continued. “I’m still in total shock, so then knowing like the whole world is seeing this. I’m like, ‘This is so crazy. I can’t even wrap my mind around this right now.’”
Rachael Kirkconnell Shares Whether She’s Spoken to Ex Matt James After Breakup
Noting that she still “would love to know” the exact reason behind Matt’s social media post, Rachael noted the move “really finally just put a nail in the coffin.”
“But I have spoken with him since all of that,” she said, “and I do know that he definitely acknowledges that that was not the right decision.”
Rachael Kirkconnell Reveals Whether She’d Reconcile With Matt James
“I don’t think I can ‘cause I think when someone says those things that he said, you know, ‘I don’t think you’re my person. I don’t see us getting married,’ I think that’s when you have to call it quits,” she explained on Call Her Daddy. “Just the way that he handled all of this and this post and everything. I forgive him, but I just don’t think I can be with someone that—I felt like he disrespected me at the end of the day doing that.”
She added, “It’s just one of those things where you have to stand up for yourself even if you don’t want to. Of course, there’s part of me that [wishes] we could just get back together and pretend that this never happened, but that’s not the case and I think as hard as it is, I think the right decision is to stand up for myself and be on my own.”
Source: www.eonline.com